Perspective on a Sunday morning...

Nothing like waking up very early on a Sunday to get in the blogging mindset. Admittedly, blogging isn't something I do often (as seen by the months that pass by between posts) but waking up today and thinking I have some thoughts to blog is definitely new for me! In any case, its Sunday, and Mother's Day, so of course Happy Mother's Day to the mothers out there, in addition to the ones who may not be present but whose memories live on in their children and friends. 

I have been thinking a lot about perspective lately. There are always two anecdotes I consistently refer back to when thinking about this, first, of course the basic example of when say an argument between two people takes place and you have multiple people witness it. Both the people taking part in the argument and the people witnessing will all truly walk away with different interpretations and experiences of what happened. Anais Nin said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Not only for this example, but for almost every conversation, every conflict, interpersonal communication, truly anything that takes place in our lives is interpreted and internalized differently by those who participate in it and by those who witness it. Its challenging to truly sift through and figure out what happened in reality given that there will always be multiple ways to interpret other's words and actions. For this reason, communication and thorough examination ad reflection of events with those close to us is not only needed, but truly reqired in order to have long lasting and authentic interpersonal relationships, as truly a lot can get lost in the translation and interpretation. 

One of the best examples of perspective on therapy and the role of the therapist is an anecdote I used in my masters thesis. It is the story of a man in a room. This man was yelling and screaming that there was a rope tied around him and that hecouldn't untangle it and needed help. Finally, another person enters the room and asked the man what was wrong. The man proceeded to tell the person of his problem, and the person looked at this man and responded "What are you talking about? I don't see any rope around you!" and then the person left the man in the room. The man in the room continued to yell for help, and then a therapist walked in. "What is wrong?" asked the therapist, and the man again responded that he was tangled in a rope and couldn't get out. The therapist walked over and proceeded to help the man untangle his invisible rope. 

It's all about perspective. Certainly in both life, and in relation to therapy. It's always good to be mindful that everyone has their own perspective. Like for instance, this blog is certainly just my own. 

Getting lost in loss

Working with college students on a campus there is a certain rhythm to the school year. There is the obvious one that is set up given the two semesters and the summer time, and with this comes the usual time at the end of the spring semester that is more often than not filled with feelings of loss, both from the students and from the faculty and staff as we wrap up the school year. With that, I've been thinking a lot about loss in general, as myself, coworkers, and students all face our own loss's with the impending end of the academic year. 

Loss is a tricky thing and there are so many different types of it. Loss can be anything from graduation from college, or saying goodbye to a friend who moves out of town, or the passing of a loved one. It's incredibly hard to process and can be overwhelming, since as human beings we need time to thoroughly think about what we had and what we lost in any given experience. A topic that comes up a lot in our experiences with loss, especially when someone close to you may pass away, is that people around us (albeit they try to have good intentions) tend to tell us to "get back into a routine" and "keep ourselves busy" which honestly can be more hindering in terms of processing grief. As I mentioned, we need time, and when I say time, there is no limit to the amount that any of us may need to process a loss. While it is a challenging part of being a human being, it's not a fast process, as more often than not grief is rushed, displaced, and when we don't give ourselves the time we need we often delay the grief and experience months or years after the loss may happen. 

This is why its so important to devote the time (however long we may need) to process and deal with the losses we experience. There are a multitude of ways to deal with loss, and whether its creating a memory album, performing ritualistic tasks to commemorate the person or thing, or spending time with people specifically so conversations can revolve around the person who was lost; any of these tools can be helpful in working through grief. As with most issues that we deal with as human beings, its always important to own that its alright to experience them, which first and foremost allows yourself the ability to deal with them. After that, taking the steps you need and time to work through the grief, as the loss may not change but the way you view the loss and what it represents in your life will undoubtedly evolve.