It’s been a strange year. Unprecedented (this word in particular I have heard so frequently to describe life’s present circumstances). Exactly one year, March 13, 2020, it was a Friday and I am willing to guess most people can describe where they were and what they were doing when the world shut down. This is how trauma works on the brain, you may not remember the series of events three days ago on any regular day in your life, but think back to March 13, 2020, or 9/11, or any event in your history that impacted you deeply and you can recall there where and when. Everyone encounters trauma in some form in their lives, emotional, physical, or indescribable. The trauma itself is hard to deal with and process, and certainly challenging after the fact when we are left to our own devices to try to cope with how we are feeling.
The biggest themes I have heard from clients are how the pandemic has not only created social separation and isolation, but also how the topic itself has often caused rifts between family and friends. There are so many different stresses (too many to list) and feelings that have come about this past year for many people as their resources and supports for joy were more limited. As some of my clients would say, they had “more time and space to think” about the things that were impacting them and bothering them, therefore making them feel as though coping with their feelings was more challenging than usual.
Baseline, whenever you are struggling with stress, fear, sadness etc. I always recommend thinking about the things that you can control in your life versus the things you cant. Its easy to focus on the uncontrollable (pandemic, some elements of family in-fighting etc.) but if you pause and examine your life and immediate space, I would be willing to say that you may have more things in your life that you can control. Even if its small things for now, taking control of your space, who you see, what you make for dinner, how you spend your time; all may seem trivial on the surface but its important to focus and ground your thoughts in what you can control as it can bring some sense of peace. Does it solve everything? Does focusing on time with a friend or making your favorite dinner make the pandemic dissipate? Of course not, but at least its something that may bring you joy that’s within your control for now. And that’s the key, for now. The pandemic isn’t forever. Its hard right now, for everyone. A way to cope is also to realize there is hope on the horizon for some sense of normalcy.
Family is complicated. Family is drama. Family is stress. This has always been true, and the pandemic, for many, has increased family duress, whether it be disagreements about politics or how to manage health and safety among family members. Regardless of what the topics of contention are, again, get back to the baseline. What are your expectations? What elements are in your control and what aren’t? While family challenges can be tricky to manage between members sometimes, its most important how you deal with circumstances for yourself as that will bring you the most peace. I know a lot of this feedback is generic, but its always important given any situation to think about what your options are for coping and dealing with it, and whether that’s individually or with the member in question.
With certainty I know that people absolutely have the capacity to change (I see it all the time with clients!) and also cope and deal with feelings and emotions. Building the right toolbox, in therapy, in life, will be something you can keep with you and use regardless of what happens.