The Summer Slow Down....Time to find a therapist!

It happens every year (except the pandemic summer of 2020). Clinicians will tell you that in the summer, generally speaking, people tend to feel happier given the warm weather and vacation time taken. I often agree, but there are always moments of exception at the times of the year when people tend to reach out. While many take a break in the summer, a lot of people also take the time and space to reach out and start given having a more relaxed outlook for the mid-year months and feel like they have more time for therapy. It can ebb and flow with when is the best time to reach out or start therapy, of course, IMO, anytime is the right time. I have had this conversation numerous times with prospective or short-term clients in the past, and I felt it would be helpful to talk about an all-encompassing approach to finding a therapist that many may not initially pursue.

There are two resources I always say to start with in terms of a frame of reference. First, if you live in Massachusetts where health insurance is mandated, you can use your insurance website and listings to find a list of names, (LMHC, LICSW’S, Psychologists) using typically a zip code search and profession listing tool. This is a good resource in that, it will give you more names than you can manage, but unfortunately it often only lists a clinician’s name, address, and contact information and not much else. Nevertheless, it’s still a good resource to have. The second, and better resource to have is the website PsychologyToday.com. This is IMO the absolute best resource you can use to find a therapist. It’s basically a Google search to find a therapist. The main page literally states “Find a Therapist” with a blank space so it’s really user-friendly. That space can be used in two ways, first, you can always cross-reference some of those names on the long list you generated from your insurance website to see if they have a profile page. Second, and more commonly, you can put in zip codes or multiple zip codes (if open to virtual therapy) and a whole results page will come up for you. There are filters at the top, I would suggest highlighting your insurance and if you have a gender preference but not much else as to not narrow it down too much unless you are looking for very specialized support.

As the results update from those filters, you will have pages of small pictures with a few sentences listing therapists. Click on the picture or the few sentences and it will bring you to the therapist’s profile page. This is great because it has their picture, office pictures (if applicable or needed), a bio typically written by the therapist, their insurance accepted and costs, if they are taking new clients, forms of therapy, etc., and more. Read a lot of profiles, and when I say a lot, I mean it, a lot. More than you probably want to, but even as a therapist I know how important it is to find someone that you like and feel comfortable with, so consider the amount of time you take researching people that it will be reflective in that you will more likely find someone that matches your needs and preferences if you take that time. After that, you will start contacting people, and on their pages, you can either email or call the therapist first, I always highly suggest messaging first as we are therapists and in session and we often won’t answer calls that aren’t planned.

The first message is a screening message and you will send it to 15-20 people. Yes, you read those numbers correctly. I promise there is a reason and I will explain at the end. This first message is brief, you can copy and paste it, and all you will ask initially is “Are you accepting new clients and do you take my —— insurance”? That’s it, send that out into the therapist-verse and you will likely hear back from 7-8 saying yes to both. From there, you will send a second round message, also very brief, also copy and paste, and ask “Could we set up a brief phone call to speak more about your therapy style and approach” before setting up a potential intake. Is this phone call required? No, but as a standard, I always set one up, and for you, as a client, why not have an extra screening method to make sure the therapist sounds like you may like to start meeting with them. So, you will ask for this phone call from the 7-8 clinicians and maybe 2-3 will oblige. Talk to all three of them, and see how they sound while of course their background and experience are important, how they sound when they talk to you is paramount in your making the decision to meet with them. Then, set up the intake with the one that sounds like you may like the most.

Therapy should always be an evaluative process, after the first few sessions, a few months, and so on. Certainly starting with someone new, you can always stop if for some reason you aren’t feeling good about it. But this is why I recommend this process of taking more time and reaching out to many so it will help narrow down and increase your chances of finding someone you like and achieving success in the therapy space.

So take advantage of the summer slow down and find yourself a therapist, maybe that’s me, or if not, use the process above and I have no doubt you will find someone that you connect with. I wish you the best of luck in the search process!

How to cope with the pandemic....or anything, really.

It’s been a strange year. Unprecedented (this word in particular I have heard so frequently to describe life’s present circumstances). Exactly one year, March 13, 2020, it was a Friday and I am willing to guess most people can describe where they were and what they were doing when the world shut down. This is how trauma works on the brain, you may not remember the series of events three days ago on any regular day in your life, but think back to March 13, 2020, or 9/11, or any event in your history that impacted you deeply and you can recall there where and when. Everyone encounters trauma in some form in their lives, emotional, physical, or indescribable. The trauma itself is hard to deal with and process, and certainly challenging after the fact when we are left to our own devices to try to cope with how we are feeling.

The biggest themes I have heard from clients are how the pandemic has not only created social separation and isolation, but also how the topic itself has often caused rifts between family and friends. There are so many different stresses (too many to list) and feelings that have come about this past year for many people as their resources and supports for joy were more limited. As some of my clients would say, they had “more time and space to think” about the things that were impacting them and bothering them, therefore making them feel as though coping with their feelings was more challenging than usual.

Baseline, whenever you are struggling with stress, fear, sadness etc. I always recommend thinking about the things that you can control in your life versus the things you cant. Its easy to focus on the uncontrollable (pandemic, some elements of family in-fighting etc.) but if you pause and examine your life and immediate space, I would be willing to say that you may have more things in your life that you can control. Even if its small things for now, taking control of your space, who you see, what you make for dinner, how you spend your time; all may seem trivial on the surface but its important to focus and ground your thoughts in what you can control as it can bring some sense of peace. Does it solve everything? Does focusing on time with a friend or making your favorite dinner make the pandemic dissipate? Of course not, but at least its something that may bring you joy that’s within your control for now. And that’s the key, for now. The pandemic isn’t forever. Its hard right now, for everyone. A way to cope is also to realize there is hope on the horizon for some sense of normalcy.

Family is complicated. Family is drama. Family is stress. This has always been true, and the pandemic, for many, has increased family duress, whether it be disagreements about politics or how to manage health and safety among family members. Regardless of what the topics of contention are, again, get back to the baseline. What are your expectations? What elements are in your control and what aren’t? While family challenges can be tricky to manage between members sometimes, its most important how you deal with circumstances for yourself as that will bring you the most peace. I know a lot of this feedback is generic, but its always important given any situation to think about what your options are for coping and dealing with it, and whether that’s individually or with the member in question.

With certainty I know that people absolutely have the capacity to change (I see it all the time with clients!) and also cope and deal with feelings and emotions. Building the right toolbox, in therapy, in life, will be something you can keep with you and use regardless of what happens.

Almost three years later....

Well I always said that blogging on this site wasn’t necessarily my strong suit, but certainly not writing an entry for almost three years pretty much proves this point! But also, I blame the fact that my last entry was around the time we started planning to get our first dog so it also clearly shows how much time and energy that process took, and here we are almost 3 years later and now we have two dogs in our household.

In any events, a lot has happened in this time, as I mentioned above I now have two dogs in my house. I have always been an animal lover but wow, when you get one and then two dogs of your own it really converts you into being an ultra animal fan! Definitely happy having them at home, even more so with Covid.

Business related, certainly in the past almost year, so much has changed. Covid hit last year and truly changed the therapy landscape more than I could have ever planned for or anticipated. Last March I have a vivid memory of the second week, when things around the world started to escalate quickly and on March 11 I had to swiftly convert all my paperwork to be completed online, in addition to having a secure platform to provide virtual sessions for clients. Two days later on March 13 my entire practice went virtual, with a whole two days of planning!

Admittedly, the first couple of weeks, to be honest, first couple months I was truly out of my element providing therapy through my computer screen. I think my first session with a client I was using my hands a lot more than needed and it probably was a bit awkward, but the client was understanding and admittedly focused on other world events outside of my awkward hand gestures during our virtual session.

From there, as the world continued to deal with and process the pandemic, and everyone adjusted to new social and societal norms, so did I with the virtual therapy sessions. If you had asked me a year ago, I am pretty sure I had a policy of no telephone or video sessions, and how interestingly that changed pretty much overnight, to now, almost a year later and my entire practice is virtual.

I feel I have adapted well to providing therapy virtually to clients. After getting over the initial change and awkward hand gestures, over a short time I was able to feel comfortable with the computer, therefore it didn’t feel like such a barrier as it initially did. While I do miss elements of being in an office, I do enjoy providing therapy this way. I also feel, as many clients tell me, the convenience of being able to meet virtually, at a time more convenient for them that doesn’t include commuting to my office has made receiving treatment much easier for them as well.

The pandemic has changed the therapy world forever, and I welcome this change. So much so, that actually as of Jan 1, 2021 I no longer have an office! Which is still a wild concept to me but with how things are in the world at the moment, its not needed. So, for now, I am a virtual therapist and I am grateful to continue to be providing therapy. I will get back to an office some day, but virtual appointments will forever be an option for all of my clients given the change in therapy from this year and the ultimate convenience of it.

The pandemic has taken a huge toll of everyone’s mental health, no doubt. The amount of isolation that can come with either social distancing and working remotely can be very challenging and the amount of depression and anxiety I have seen in the past year is certainly a reflection of that.

Stay tuned for my next blog, (I promise it will not be in three years), and I will talk more about how to continue to cope and deal with the pandemic and these challenging times in our history.

Perspective on a Sunday morning...

Nothing like waking up very early on a Sunday to get in the blogging mindset. Admittedly, blogging isn't something I do often (as seen by the months that pass by between posts) but waking up today and thinking I have some thoughts to blog is definitely new for me! In any case, its Sunday, and Mother's Day, so of course Happy Mother's Day to the mothers out there, in addition to the ones who may not be present but whose memories live on in their children and friends. 

I have been thinking a lot about perspective lately. There are always two anecdotes I consistently refer back to when thinking about this, first, of course the basic example of when say an argument between two people takes place and you have multiple people witness it. Both the people taking part in the argument and the people witnessing will all truly walk away with different interpretations and experiences of what happened. Anais Nin said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Not only for this example, but for almost every conversation, every conflict, interpersonal communication, truly anything that takes place in our lives is interpreted and internalized differently by those who participate in it and by those who witness it. Its challenging to truly sift through and figure out what happened in reality given that there will always be multiple ways to interpret other's words and actions. For this reason, communication and thorough examination ad reflection of events with those close to us is not only needed, but truly reqired in order to have long lasting and authentic interpersonal relationships, as truly a lot can get lost in the translation and interpretation. 

One of the best examples of perspective on therapy and the role of the therapist is an anecdote I used in my masters thesis. It is the story of a man in a room. This man was yelling and screaming that there was a rope tied around him and that hecouldn't untangle it and needed help. Finally, another person enters the room and asked the man what was wrong. The man proceeded to tell the person of his problem, and the person looked at this man and responded "What are you talking about? I don't see any rope around you!" and then the person left the man in the room. The man in the room continued to yell for help, and then a therapist walked in. "What is wrong?" asked the therapist, and the man again responded that he was tangled in a rope and couldn't get out. The therapist walked over and proceeded to help the man untangle his invisible rope. 

It's all about perspective. Certainly in both life, and in relation to therapy. It's always good to be mindful that everyone has their own perspective. Like for instance, this blog is certainly just my own. 

New Office Pictures!

I will keep it short and sweet. I'm happy to announce my new office location as of January 1, 2018 is at 697 Cambridge Street - Suite 102 in Brighton, Massachusetts. I am really looking forward to being able to meet with clients in this relaxing space, which I am truly hopeful will be an environment for clients to feel comfortable in the therapy process. Take a look!

It's been a while, but with a big update!

Most (if not all) of my past blogs have centered around therapy related topics, which I feel are the most important things to talk about. But for now, an important update. For the past year and a half, I have been lucky enough to share an office space with a former colleague in Coolidge Corner and this has allowed me the opportunity to both build and grow my practice.

In the past month, a series of events took place that eventually led to me acquiring a new office space in Brighton (which I am very excited about!). It is a larger space that I am truly looking forward to for many reasons. I always value the need for clients to pursue therapists they feel comfortable with, in addition to that I have always felt that the environment where I meet with clients is extremely important as well. Being able to have this office space as my own allows me the freedom to create an environment that I feel is conducive for therapy. Another positive is having increased availability for scheduling appointments, which I know will be helpful for more consistency and options for clients. 

I always encourage people seeking therapists to not only make sure that they pursue those they feel comfortable with, but I also feel the environment where you meet plays a factor as well. Opening up about your personal struggles is a vulnerable process, so being with a therapist in an office space that promotes comfort and peace should (hopefully) be a priority as well. Looking forward to present and future clients meeting with me in my new space. Pictures will be posted in my next blog. 

Time for a (Mental Health) Spring Cleanse

The sun is out! For all of us on the East Coast, we can now exit our caves and begin to feel hopeful again. Now, while that may sound extreme; seasonal depression is very real and it affects many people over the course of winter time. While this Boston winter wasn't the snowiest or the coldest, it felt like it lasted forever. Literally, we had a snow storm on April 1 (no joke) so getting back into the swing of living a happier life with mentally healthier lifestyle choices has had its challenges for all of us thus far in 2017. Now that spring appears to have arrived (the sun it out!) for now, its really important to prioritize getting out and being active, and partipating in self-care activies that not only bring you joy but renew your energy for the upcoming year, which most of us can sometimes have stalled given challenging weather conditions which can often affect our motivation. The best thing you can do is create small achievable goals for yourself; once a week, get out and get moving, in any activity of your choice that you enjoy!

Go for the walk. Take a weekend trip. Visit a museum or outdoor garden. Check out free events taking place in your area and try to be outside; the sunshine will literally make you feel better, even if its just for 30 minutes. Self-care is always important, but now that we have the weather more on our side this creates more opportunies to take care of ourselves and cleanse our minds of all the winter challeges we faced, and being able to start fresh as spring is finally here. 

(Un)Happy Holidays Expectations

This is the time of year when expectations are in full force. I know I've talked about expectations before, probably numerous times. But in actuality they really come into play in most if not all aspects of life so mentioning them time and time again is needed. The holidays can bring up all sorts of feelings for us, and its a huge spectrum of people's experiences with it. There are those that can't wait to play holiday music and see family and friends at home, while others are filled with complete dread of the expectation of having to see family and put on a "happy" face when being forced to partake in rituals with people whom they may or may not feel connected to. And then there is the grey area in between those two extreme norms, and that grey area can be filled with excitement, doubt, anger, sadness, and any other range of emotions that can be connected to the human experience around the holidays. 

It's important to think about your own experience and how best to take care of yourself during that time. If you are in that grey area, and on any level have anxiety or depression around the holidays, its important to think about what triggers you, and what solutions can you create to feel better whether you are in a situation where you know stresses will be present, or simply trying to partake in an activity that brings you some happiness and joy. But also realizing that while many people do enjoy the holidays, just as many (or more) don't because of the expectations its puts on them to buy presents (which can be hard if on a strict budget), to be excelling at work or in a relationship, or any other pressure or something that they "should" be doing. And, if you have read my previous posts, you know I take issue with the word should. As Karen Horney talks about her tyranny of the should's, when we all create impossible demands of ourselves that are impossible to meet.

In essence, when we think about that we need to "have complete control or focus in life" or "happy all the time"- when we take a step back and think about these things, we need to realize that its these goals or pressures that we have on ourselves are causing us to feel out of sorts with who we are and who we want to be. It's hard to learn to accept ourselves in a world that often convinces us that we need to be doing something else. The best we can do is learn that no matter what we are doing, if we are happy, or (un)happy, that's how we feel; we own it, we live it, we know it isn't permanent and do our best to figure out how to get through and figure out our lives. And that, is a life long process, regardless.